Making Friends As An Adult
As we get older, I find one of the hardest things to do is make friends. It's a hard thing to do! How can you go up to someone and say, "hey, wanna be friends?" without sounding like a complete fucking loser? Do you find something in common while walking by each other and hope that they're just an awesome friend to have? What if you befriend them and then they suck big time? Uh-oh, how do you breakup with a friend? Let's take a step back and conquer the making of the friendship before discussing breaking it up.
A couple of months ago, I made a target run with Big and my enormous pregnant belly and while strolling the baby isle, we saw this gorgeous woman with her beautiful baby girl. So we stopped to tell her that her baby was so pretty and we had a little small talk for a bit and we all went about our target shopping trips. Big and I kept talking about this mom and her baby and I instantly felt this regret inside of me for not grabbing her number. Afterall, we were both women of color, had babies (mine was on the way but it counts), and we were both late-night shopping at target - sounds like a match to me. I kept thinking about her and how much I regretted not getting her number. I felt awful, like I could've missed out on a great friend.
As I began to get over the fact that I didn't get this woman's number, we ran into her and her two babies this time while grocery shopping. This was it, this was my chance. I had practiced this in my head for whenever I'd see her again: small talk about what a crazy coincidence it was to see her again, ask about her babies, ask if she'd like to grab coffee sometime, and say it was nice to see you again. I had this in the bag! As we were talking though, i started feeling nervous - what if she says no? Or worse, what if she says yes and then we never hangout?! Fucccccck. So I shot my Big a look and he, not so discreetly, nudged me to ask. Okay, this was it, this is my time.
"Do you live close by? Maybe we can grab coffee or something"
Or something along those lines came out of my mouth. I was too nervous to remember what had left my mouth just seconds ago. It felt like I was asking someone on a date with my husband standing next to me and her children watching me. Ahhh. Luckily she said yes or I would've died of embarrassment right then and there. But that wasn't the end of it - I now had to see if we would actually hangout or if this would be one of those cases of, "omg, just hit me up, I have so much free time" and we never hangout. I hate those kinds situations.
Luckily once again, she hit me up! *breaks into happy dance* We began texting as if we were best friends in high school. The adult version of 21 questions and I was living for it. Then I went MIA. What an asshole right? Wrong! I had a baby to deliver and she was completely understanding of it because she was amazing. When my baby boy was about 3-4 weeks old, I hit her up asking if she'd want to grab some coffee some time and she said yes. I was excited to hangout with her but also nervous because I didn't want to run out of things to talk about and lose the one of three friends I've made as an adult living in Long Beach.
So we hung out and it was ahhhmazing. We talked and talked and talked and then her and her daughter walked me and baby boy home. What's even sweeter than all of this is that we texted the entire day after and have been doing so every day since. I've only known her for a short amount of time but I truly consider her one of my best friends. She's real, caring, funny, and not afraid to be human with me. I lucked the fuck out because I met one of my soulmommas.
Here are some easy steps on how to ask someone to be friends without sounding like a complete loser:
Things in common: In my case at the time, babies were what we had in common and in time we realized that we had a lot more than motherhood in common. However, motherhood was the way in! If you see something, whether it be clothing, headphones, shoes, babies, pregnant bellies, or whatever it may be - say something! Compliment them or ask them about it!
Living or working: Another easy one is, "do you live/work close by?" It's a conversation starter because you both are in this place and I'm sure there are reasons for it. If they live or work close by and you happen to be in the area as well, this could be a way in to ask about grabbing some tea or coffee.
Hit 'em up: Don't hollywood someone you want to or are trying to be friends with! You went through all that work to ask for their number so fucking use it! Even if it's to ask what they're doing for the weekend or wish them a good day. These texts are nice to receive and it's a gateway to setting a coffee/tea date.
Don't cancel: If you set something up to hangout with your new friend, you better go! I know shit comes up, but it doesn't always, so leave the excuses at home and go have some fun with your potential friend. It definitely won't hurt to get out of the house and get to know someone new without the pressure of it having to be a date. No need to dress up or be extra, no need to make plans in case you stay the night, none of that - just go and have something nice to drink at a local coffee shop.
Stay in touch: My soulmomma and I text nearly every single day. I'm not saying that this will be the case for everyone but it doesn't hurt to check in. I've always felt that a question that's highly underrated and rarely asked if simply "How are you?" If you feel that the friendship is a go, then stay in touch!
What're some of your tips and tricks on making friends as an adult?