Advice: Word Vomit
An email friend — kind of like an online friend, except via email instead of social media, where you communicate in paragraphs and not emojis — wrote me an amazing email and requested some advice, so let’s get into it:
“.. I know you don’t write many ‘Advice’ related pieces anymore but I would love to get your take on vulnerability and sharing. I for one am an open book. I process things by sharing them with others. Its therapeutic for me. But sometimes things don’t need to be shared. Sometimes it’s best to process internally and find alternative resources. I’m really bad at that. I tend to word vomit all over the place haha. If you need a topic for your blog I would love to hear your take on this. When sharing can be beneficial and when it can be detrimental. Although I don’t know you personally… your presence on the world wide web says that you have a nice balance. “
Hi friend, first off, I love getting advice emails — they absolutely fuel me — so for anyone reading this, ASK ME FOR ADVICE! Second, thank you for thinking so highly of me! I’m learning the balance still because we are one when it comes to being an open book, sharing, oversharing, processing externally, etc. It’s something I’m learning to work on, but it’s also something that is extremely hard and kills my soul a little bit.
I’m a person who enjoys thinking out loud, I like to share everything with those I love — I enjoy advice, I like when people know my moves, they know my likes, dislikes, angers, happiness, mindless shit, just all of it. It turns out, as we both have come to find out, that not everyone functions this way. I feel like “word vomit” moments often come when negative things are happening, otherwise I’d hope you can speak openly about good things. However, if it’s negative and you feel like you can’t speak on it, it makes it hard to deal with this because it almost feels like you’re compromising yourself to ensure that the other person is comfortable or not annoyed or whatever it may be, but I think that once you’ve mastered self-awareness, this goes away or lessens a bit. I think if you’re aware of who you are, you become aware of your moods, thoughts, growth, changes, etc.
Now, for those word vomit moments:
Do something else:
I’ve found that doing something else when feeling those “outburst moments” helps me out a lot. I’ve realized that whenever I’ve been feeling down or anything that’s slightly negative, I turn to cleaning — decluttering my space really helps clear my mind. In some weird way, it feels like as I toss away unneeded things and put things away, I’m tossing negative feelings and putting away negative thoughts.
Write it out:
I don’t know if this would work for everyone, but it’s definitely worth a try. Another thing I’ve done is write things down. I know it’s cliche as fuck, but it’s helped. I started reading The Artist’s Way and Julia recommends doing ‘morning pages’ to get everything out before the day starts so you go on about your day with a clear mind. I would sometimes do them at night to get the day out of me on paper. I would never read them either, just write and put it away in some folder.
Take a walk:
If you’re someone who needs a distraction from whatever the situation is, maybe you can take a walk, go to the store for some bread or some sweets, maybe painting your nails can do the trick, or a face mask or a bath.
Talk to yourself:
I know it may seem like the last thing you may want to do when all you can think about is splurting out everything on your mind, but lock yourself in the bathroom and have the conversation out loud. It gets it out in the air, it’s officially said out loud and you can have some peace with just hearing yourself say the things you want to say. These are also things that help.
Eventually these things become habits and you start to see that if you take some time, you can process things a little better and voice them in a manner that will make the other person more receptive. Give some of these tips a try, just for a week, and see how it goes. See where your thoughts go when you have to be quiet, see how you’re feeling when you say it out loud but to no one in particular, see how you feel after you’ve repeated the word vomit and how it changes each time you’ve thought it or said it aloud. Try it for one week and observe those thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I hope this helps and I hope to keep hearing from you. I’m here, I like to be here and I hope to be here for a long time to help in any way I can. Blessings!